You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
They have beer where we have blood.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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