right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
