Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
