i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize