After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
