The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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