I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
