dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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