Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
