At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
