I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
