wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
