do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
