someone get that fucking seahorse.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
