It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
