dude i'm inner monologue high
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
