if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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