my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
