You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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