i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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