i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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