i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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