Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize