Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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