I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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