I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
