i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize