I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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