I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
