My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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