it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
