omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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