Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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