we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
