At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
