I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize