When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
