Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
