My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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