i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize