I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
