My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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