I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We have so much sex to catch up on
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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