he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
