I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can vaginas get frostbite?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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