I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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