Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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