this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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