Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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