Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize