Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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