consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
