Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
