i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
