Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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