I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
