I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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