I just gift wrapped bread.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize