I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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