I wish i was in the wii world.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize