you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
