dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
50% drunk capacity currently
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize