the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
