To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
