i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
