Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
