I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
