took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
