Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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