HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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