My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
