i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
