My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
